19/1/10

considering what a mess today was, it was actually not that bad.
i went to camhs at ten thirty, and ended up there for five hours.
i had a panic when i was with jade,
and my heart and lungs just burned. it was so painful.
and my head was still throbbing.
she then made me stay til twelve thirty, coz she wanted me to see doctor clare.
which was fine. i then got a bit angry/panicky with him, because i always do. :(
he's so nice thoughh, makes me feel really bad.
so he decided to put me in hospital. and apparently that takes about three solid hours of faxing all my notes and stuffs to various people, and they still haven't finished yet. :/ i feel shit for them wasting their time on me.. but every time i said that they were just like.. noo we want to do this.

besides, i spent a whole day sat in jade's office talking about music/movies etcc. and she told me some funny stories.
and the pain/panic went away a little bit as well, although i was kind of falling asleep.
i don't know. it felt like i couldn't do much that was stupid, or wrong.. that i could say anything that i liked to her.
so it calmed me down a bit.
i'm getting a bit worse now, being at home.. but meh.
i don't think i'ma sleep again tonight as well.
i was SO tired yesterday, went to bed, and just couldn't sleep at all. angry muchh. :(

i'm going to have bad blogging withdrawal. :'(


give me something to believe in,
a breath from the breathing..<3